Have You Ever
Have you ever watched you child die?

Have you ever held her hand, feeling the life that grew within you slip away, breath by painful breath?

Have you ever kissed a cold, gray cheek knowing you will never kiss it again while helpless tears rolled down you own?

Have you ever left your child –
The child you dreamed of, the child you love –
Knowing the next time you visit her,
It will be at her grave?

Have you ever sat at your window at midnight waiting for sleep, waiting for any escape from a nightmare that won’t go away, only to watch the dawn bring nothing but reminders of what you will never have?

Have you ever watched the world forget the person you love the most saying “you’ll have another one” or “move on” or “let go” as if she were a book or a pen, or a bad haircut that could be replaced, or erased as if she didn’t matter, as if she had never been.

Have you ever looked at your future knowing someone will always be missing? Have you ever looked at your past knowing some things can never be changed? Have you ever looked at your present and felt nothing, saw nothing but guilt and anger and loss?

If you haven’t – Then don’t tell me what to think. Don’t tell me how to act. Don’t’ tell me how to feel; don’t tell me to get over it, because I never will.
In loving memory of Alexa Marie Johnson 3/28/01 ~ 3/31/01