Some Days
Some days
I want to die
Just to be with you again.
Then I remember life’s beauty
And I live to honor you.

Some days
I wish for one more day with you,
One more moment to hold you, touch you, kiss you.
Then I realize “one more” would never be enough
And I choose to cherish “the ones” I had.

Some days
You invade my every thought.
All I see is your beautiful face, your perfect body
And I long to hold you again…
But instead I must hold onto memories.

Some days
I think of all that could have been
All that should have been, with you here…
And my heart breaks without you –
Then your siblings make my heart soar.

Some days
I feel such unbearable sorrow
I miss you so –
And I know I’d rather feel that forever
Than to never have known you.

Some days
I see families who have not endured this pain.
I envy their pure, unadulterated joy.
Then I realize your life has made my joys bigger, my will stronger
As I rise above the sorrow of your death.

Some days
I’d give anything to have you here,
To see your precious face and give you all my love.
Then I remember that love
Is all you ever knew.

Some days
I glow with pride as people speak of you
They send you gifts, balloons, notes –
All Heaven-bound
And I smile because you are known to them, part of them, loved by them.

Some days
I am so overjoyed to have your siblings in my life
That for a moment I can’t imagine being happier…
Then I think if you were still here
My joy would be uncontainable.

Some day
Perhaps we’ll all be together again.
My kids will be reunited,
My husband’s spirit will soar
And finally I will feel whole.

Some day
My precious, beloved son,
I will dance with you in Heaven
And I will never let you go.

…For now, sweet baby, I carry you with me.
You are in all I do, all I love, all that I am.
Your life has defined me and we are inseparable.