Infants Remembered In Silence (IRIS) - Poems - “It Was Only a Miscarriage”

“It Was Only a Miscarriage”

By Bernadette McCauley

“It was only a miscarriage.”
That’s what they all said.
“Why are you so depressed and upset?”
“There will be others….
Besides it was an early one, at that.”
“It’s not as if you felt life.
It was only a miscarriage—Pull yourself together.”
Yes, it was early. I’d only known for a few weeks.
But Life, no, I didn’t feel it kicking inside me
from that other person.
I felt it leaping inside my own spirit! Life—a new life!
God working wonders within me! It was awesome.
We waited so long. We had such hopes and dreams
of kicks and getting fat and wearing maternity clothes.
Expectations of joy and love
and happy moments together.
But it was all over too soon, much too soon…
And all they said was, “It was only a miscarriage.
You can have others. You can try again.
You weren’t that far.
It’s not as if you lost a baby.”
Well, what did I lose then?
I lost the potential of the full becoming of a person.
I lost the spirit of a child, an adolescent, an adult.
My child.
What became of it?
Is it washed away forever, never to count?
Does God count it? Should I count it?
Or should I listen to them?
It was only a miscarriage, early at that.
Pull myself together.
Somehow it was precious to me,
no matter what they said.

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