Infants Remembered In Silence (IRIS) - Stories - Happy Birthday Brooke Kelley

Happy Birthday Brooke Kelley

by Sharon Frazier Buck

It is almost your second birthday. It should mean a pink birthday cake with 2 big, pink candles glowing, lots of presents in pretty paper, and lots of love and hugs. But instead, I will take a Happy Birthday balloon to your grave and sing Happy Birthday to you like I did last year. Will I cry again this year? I know my heart will be breaking.

You should be a toddler now, walking and talking and getting into everything. If I close my eyes tight enough, I can see what you would look like, how sweet your smile would be and how your laughter would brighten up any room.

Instead, as I go to sleep I remember that night in the hospital as your Grandpa and I held your frail, little body. We tried to accept what had happened and why. We knew we had to be strong, but how could we? We tried to tell you how much we loved you and wanted you. But how do you squeeze a lifetime of love into a few short minutes. You were so beautiful. I didn’t want to ever let you go.

Your picture still sits by our bed and I say goodnight to you every night before I go to sleep. Your Mommy and Daddy still have their picture of you above their bed, too.

Your Mommy, after two long years, is finally doing better. I was so worried about her. We still talk about you often and share those few, sweet memories of you. And yes, we still cry; we love you so much. We still find ourselves in the baby department when we go shopping. We look at all the cute things we would have bought you: the lacy dresses, the cute sun suits, those sweet little shoes. You would have been the best dressed little girl around.

A friend of mine had a baby a few weeks after you were born. I want so much to be part of her life, to hold and love her. But even now, I find myself staying away as much as possible. She is so cute and I am so glad for her family. But she isn’t you.

We don’t ask why anymore. We know you are in heaven celebrating with Mommy’s friend, Jeri Brooke. We know you are one of God’s little angels, so pure and sweet. We trust in Him and His judgment. But we still miss you and what could have been.

So Happy Second Birthday, our little angel. Please know we will always love you and there will always be a special place in all our hearts that belongs to only you.

Love, Grandma

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