Lost |
By Joanne Crook |
I’ve lost you
so lost I can’t find you so lost I don’t even know where to look I don’t know where they took you or even on which day I want to search for you find you keep you turn the world upside down and leave no stone unturned I dreamt a sweet nightmare I dreamt I carried you secretly in my handbag wrapped in a tissue it made me so happy to have you back again But I haven’t found you I awoke from the operation to find that while I slept my house had been broken and entered by strangers, graverobbers who desecrated the inner sanctuary stole you from me violated the womb I cried from my soul for you. I’d signed the forms, never consenting to lose you ”Risk of infection,” they said so I signed what could I do? You died many weeks before I learned the truth then, refusing intervention, I waited for my body to say goodbye. It would not give you up couldn’t give up on you. I held you three weeks longer bonded three weeks harder grew so possessive of the little death inside the body inside my body a walking grave my secret madness During these weeks I planned in earnest chose a place of rest for you a place to carry you bury you visit you and grieve but still you didn’t come and sensing the danger in my love for one already dead I let them take you the deed was done A week later, I bled and bled woke in a pool a junior doctor, armed with plastic speculum announced, “Retained Products,” “They’ve left some behind.” Another operation I awoke this time and didn’t cry just dry and hollow and empty Lost you Miss you |