Infants Remembered In Silence (IRIS) - Poems

Struggle

By Kevin D. Plein

Dedicated to my precious daughter, Delaney Hailey Plein, stillborn September 25, 2004

Sweet Delaney, How I miss you.
I struggle still shall I think of you always?
My lonely memory of holding your still body.
My forearm cradling you, holding you firmly, but gently against me.
Even now I can feel the impression of your tiny head in the palm of
my right hand as it crosses over my body to keep your head from flopping over.
The sensory impulses in my arm only feel the phantom weight now.
It hurts so much to remember.

I struggle still... shall I forget you as quickly as I can?
Then will the pain pass, the emptiness subside?
Perhaps... or will you fade from me forever?
Will I be able to recall you when I am strong?

I struggle still… I have no choice.
I have no say, your memory will come when r am sleeping, when I am awake, when I am out in the world with no place to hide.
I will remember you in the morning. I will remember how things
were supposed to be.
Did she sleep through the night?

I struggle still...

Did you ever happen? Were you ever here? It must be a nightmare and soon I will awake.
But, I know I will not. The nightmare is real, and already it is almost as if you were never here. I could not keep you safe on your journey to get here, but I will keep you safe near my heart and within my soul.

I love you Delaney!

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